‘A call to action to love ourselves’: how women in their 50s can leave the shadows

As roles and circumstances change, women in their 50s can look inwards and find a deep acceptance of themselves

It happened to me the other day when I was on holiday on my own. I was sitting on a beach, sun hat on, book in hand, and I found myself watching the young families around me and realising I no longer fitted in. More than that, I didn’t really know where I actually did fit in. I imagined them looking at me and thinking – if they thought anything at all – that I was some sort of remaindered woman, husband-less, child-less, sitting reading like a washed-up former heroine of a novel.

It was a “moment”. But, then again, over the last six years since I turned 50, I’ve been experiencing so many “moments” that it now feels pretty much like a constant buzz of dis-ease within me. I have, over the years, turned from someone who is generally prone to happiness and a sort of sustaining optimism, to someone who feels somewhat irrelevant. Continue reading…
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My mum’s depression drags me down. I feel I need to stay away | Ask Philippa

Set boundaries – block her number for periods so you don’t spend your days in dread and give her a contact for the Samaritans

The question My 60-year-old mum has had depression all her life, which has had a profound impact on our family. Since her parents died from Covid, she’s been her worst ever. She doesn’t eat, has panic attacks, cries all the time, is hateful towards everyone, tries to turn everyone against each other and has frequent tantrums. But she refuses to get any help. She won’t take medication nor seek therapy. And I’m exhausted. I dread seeing her number on my phone. My dad is thinking of leaving and, if he does, I’m afraid of what will happen to her. My parents retired to a rural village three hours’ drive from my life.

Her mum (my gran) was also depressed and barely left the house after the age of 65, until she died at 90. She became dependent on my mother and it took a huge toll on her – she essentially became her carer for 25 years. Mum is now going the same way and seems to expect the same treatment from me. But I don’t want history to repeat itself. Continue reading…
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‘There was blood. A dash to the hospital. No heartbeat’ – how I survived the stillbirth of my son

My world came crashing down when my baby died. The future my wife and I had been planning for nine months had been snatched away, and for fathers like me there seemed to be no one to turn to

On 4 September last year, our son, Rayan, was stillborn. My wife, Sara had been 38 weeks pregnant, and with a couple of weeks to go we had just finished buying all the things we would need for our first child: the clothes, the cot, the nappy disposal system.

It was a Sunday morning, and it started in the way we thought it would: contraction-like pain, waters breaking with a sitcom gush (this was a bad sign, we found out later). But instead of coming in waves, the pain didn’t stop. There was blood, a dash to the hospital. No heartbeat. Continue reading…
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Weekend podcast: Bella Ramsey, Marina Hyde on Princess Di’s ghost, and the woman crushed by an elephant

Marina Hyde is impressed by Princess Diana, the ‘hardest working spectre in showbiz’ (1m22s); Bella Ramsey talks football, rapping and why fame is ‘silly’ (9m44s); and Elle Hunt meets a woman who was crushed by an elephant (20m32s). Continue reading…
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Don’t Fall For the Marketing. ‘Toddler Milk’ Is Not Good For Your Child

The high-selling ‘follow-on’ formulas are nutritionally empty compared to the infant formulas they’re often tied to, experts say.
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How can I end a strained friendship as gently as possible? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

Your friend may have the capacity to change and needs someone on her side to help – but you could consider distancing yourself for a while

During university, I became close friends with a girl who I had a lot in common with. She is very loyal, a great listener, and used to be a fun companion. She has been supportive of me in tough times.

Yet over time, I realised she has other, difficult qualities: she has no boundaries and asks deeply personal, often invasive questions. She casts frequent judgment on the decisions of others, is conflict-prone and has a hard time apologising afterwards. This comes from the family dynamic she learned growing up.

A number of people have ended friendships with her. Each of these hurt her deeply. At the time, I felt she deserved the chance to grow and change. I suggested therapy could help with her relationship issues, but she stopped going almost immediately.

We’ve reached our 30s, and she may never change. In fact, things have got worse. She’s been fired from multiple jobs, lost most of her friends. She has moved back in with her family and that has exacerbated her unhappiness. The two of us went on a holiday together recently and I was miserable; I pushed back on her constant complaining and cruel comments about others, and we left on a tense note.

I don’t want to invest more time in this friendship, but I want to end it with as much kindness as possible. I recently moved to another country; we talk less and I hardly see her, but she wants to visit next year, and she expects to be invited to my wedding. I don’t want to manage her on my wedding day or risk her starting a conflict. Sadly, I don’t want her there at all.

I could let the friendship fade quietly and not send a wedding invitation, but I don’t like the idea of ghosting her. Or I could wait until she asks to visit, and then have the hard conversation. Another idea is to be proactive and reach out now. What’s the right way to do this? What should I say?

It would be an ideal world, in some ways, if we could be completely honest with people but then we seldom factor in what they might want to say to us. Continue reading…
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Sleeping less than five hours a night can raise depression risk, study suggests

Consistently short sleep duration more likely to precede symptoms than inverse, genetic data reveal

Sleeping less than five hours a night could raise the risk of developing symptoms of depression, research suggests.

The link between poor sleep and mental ill health is well known, but it has been unclear which problem tends to come first. Now scientists have found evidence that consistent short sleep at night can be a precursor to developing depressive symptoms. Continue reading…
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My friend is struggling to assert herself with her family. Should I say something? | Leading questions

It sounds like you’re a loving friend, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, and don’t underestimate how much that is already helping

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I have a close friend who I love and care about very much, who is struggling to assert herself against what her family want for her. She doesn’t know what she wants to do – career wise – but she comes from a family who have quite vocal expectations for her future, and a fairly narrow view of what counts as success.

I am lucky to have always been taught very differently, and I recognise that her family are just looking out for her, but I can see the damage it does and I want to help. I also don’t want to judge and I am of course wary of criticising people she loves. I am happy to just be a shoulder to cry on, or someone to be positive and supportive, rather than just giving the opposite lectures. But I equally want her to see that she doesn’t have to make herself do things that make her miserable just to satisfy her family. Shall I talk to her about it, or is it best to say nothing? Continue reading…
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There’s Almost No Research on the Health Impact of Plastic Chemicals in the Global South

A vendor carries plastic items for sale on a motorbike in Nagaon district in the northeastern state of Assam, India, on October 16 , 2023. (Photo by Anuwar Hazarika/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Scientists mapped thousands of studies on the health impacts of plastic chemicals. Their findings will be critical to better regulation.
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‘Demand interestingness’: Thomas Heatherwick rails against boring buildings

Designer says soulless structures make people stressed and lonely as he launches book and campaign

Boring, soulless buildings are making people stressed and lonely, according to Thomas Heatherwick, the British designer behind the 2012 Olympic cauldron.

The designer is embarking on a crusade to persuade architects and developers to create buildings that inspire feelings of joy and stimulation. Continue reading…
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