The sleep secret: how lucid dreams can make us fitter, more creative and less anxious

Freud described dreams as windows into our repressed desires. Today, researchers are using them to boost athletic performance and help veterans with PTSD, unlocking huge benefits for us all

In 2020, the author Michael Rosen was admitted to hospital with Covid-19 and spent 40 days in an induced coma. In the aftermath, he had a strange and vivid dream: he was at Land’s End in Cornwall at the edge of a perilous cliff. He tried to squeeze through a hole in a wall to get to safety but got stuck.

“Immediately after the dream, I can remember feeling first that it was so real, that I had ‘been there’ on the cliff and my wife, Emma, helped me. It really felt like it had happened,” Rosen recalls. “This has stayed with me. I sometimes catch myself thinking that there really was a time when I was stuck on the top of a cliff on the wrong side of a dry-stone wall with the sea hundreds of feet below, and that there was a hole through which I could escape that Emma was pushing me through.” Continue reading…
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Whitest parts of England and Wales have 144% more local paths, study finds

The Ramblers says poor and ethnically diverse areas miss out on health benefits of public footpaths

The old, white, wealthy and healthy have access to miles more public footpaths in their local neighbourhoods than poor and ethnically diverse communities in England and Wales, according to a study.

The whitest areas enjoy 144% more local footpaths than the most ethnically diverse areas, and the most affluent parts of the countries have 80% more local paths, defined as within a 10-minute walk of the area, according to the research, published by the Ramblers. Continue reading…
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Cycle Syncing Won’t Fix Women’s Fitness

In their efforts to put female-specific sports science to use, fitness programs risk pushing an oversimplified view of menstruation.
http://dlvr.it/SwM2kX

My exhibitionist girlfriend likes sex with the curtains open

It is a new relationship and I am finding it difficult to tell her that this makes me uncomfortable. What should I do?

After some years of bachelorhood, I recently met the most wonderful woman through a dating app. I could easily fill pages on how we connect, barring one sexual fetish that has emerged. During one of our first nights together, she described herself as “a bit of an exhibitionist” and insisted on leaving the bedroom curtains open while making love. The way my fourth-floor flat is situated, this didn’t put us on full display, but neighbours from across the street may very well have had a good view of everything we did. My girlfriend found this very arousing, which had its effect on me, but I also found this an awkward experience. It made me wonder what else she has in store. At this early stage in our relationship, I find it difficult to discuss with her.

You have a perfect right to let her know if something she desires is uncomfortable for you or feels unsafe. In fact, it is important to establish boundaries. Nobody can like everything. Exhibitionism can be a nonconsensual act, and you both need to consider if a public display might – for example – make others uncomfortable or potentially be viewed by minors. A way to approach the necessary discussion could be: “I really enjoy having sex with you, and I noticed you were especially aroused when we left the curtains open … I’d like you to tell me more about what else turns you on?” This is an accepting way to open the conversation and receive information about her particular interests. If she mentions a sexual style or act that might bother you, you can say: “I’m open to trying new things, but maybe we could discuss them beforehand, or at least agree on a safe word so I could let you know if I become too uncomfortable?” If you can share some things you particularly enjoy, so much the better.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site. Continue reading…
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ID anomaly left me in the dark over Blue Light discount card

I am a social worker and used it for shopping but now I’m retired I can’t renew it

Until recently I worked as a social worker and benefited from the Blue Light Card discount scheme for public service employees. I used it to save money on my weekly shop in Asda, as well as in high street stores such as Next.

I retired last summer and when I attempted to renew my card I was turned down. While retired members of the armed forces, police, fire service and NHS are still eligible, social care staff are not because they cannot provide a “consistent form of ID”. Continue reading…
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Tell us how you feel about your partner’s sleeping habits

We would like to hear about your partner’s sleeping habits and how it affects your relationship

Sleep can be elusive at the best of times, but it becomes more challenging when you share a bed with someone with incompatible bedtime habits.

Does your partner need the light or the radio on to drop off? Do they grind their teeth, snore or talk in their sleep? Do you find it impossible to agree on the right weight of duvet or whether the window should be open or shut? Has it caused friction in your relationship or have you found solutions? We’d love to hear from you. Continue reading…
http://dlvr.it/SwHRVk

The Case for Mediocrity

Why “good enough” really is good enough.
http://dlvr.it/SwGz42

How can Ovo send debt threats when I don’t even have an account?

I am being warned my credit rating could be impacted when I have never had an account with it or any of the companies it owns

Can you can help me resolve a problem with Ovo Energy? I spent a year working in Ireland, and, during that time, I had mail redirected to my dad’s address in Scotland.

When I returned to the UK, one of the letters was from Ovo demanding I settle an overdue bill for £1,690. I have never had an account with Ovo or SSE Energy (Ovo bought SSE’s retail arm in 2020), or even lived with my father at this address. Continue reading…
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The world’s happiest man? Matthieu Ricard on the secrets of a serene, successful, satisfying life

The Buddhist monk and bestselling author’s latest book tells the story of his spiritual journey. He discusses joy, suffering and how to foster happiness and health

I get anxious about interviews, I tell Matthieu Ricard moments after he appears on my computer screen in his red and saffron robes, his background, somewhere in the Dordogne region of France, discreetly blurred. He starts laughing uproariously before I can even get my confession out; he laughs frequently and infectiously throughout our call. “Really? In your job?” Yes, I reply. Does anything make him anxious? He considers the question. “Yes, missing planes or trains. Besides that, I don’t have many worries.”

This interview in particular feels intimidating. Ricard, 77, combines the rigour of a French intellectual (he has a PhD in cellular genetics, has written books on altruism, meditation and compassion for animals and translated numerous Buddhist texts into French and English) with the wisdom you get from 50-plus years of intense spiritual practice. I have the profundity of a Pop Tart and told a fruit fly to fuck off this morning; of course I’m anxious. Continue reading…
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Why do we bathe children before bed, but wash ourselves in the morning?

The long-running series in which readers answer other readers’ questions on subjects ranging from trivial flights of fancy to profound scientific and philosophical concepts

Why do we tend to bathe children before bed, but wash ourselves in the morning? Ann Menzies, the Wirral

Post your answers (and new questions) below or send them to nq@theguardian.com. A selection will be published next Sunday. Continue reading…
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